I’m not excited with myself today. I had a gift card to La Senza and I never used it and I thought it would be the perfect time to use it AFTER I decide that I’m working on this lifestyle.
I was actually in need of new underwear (not like you really need to know this) and remembered I had this gift card and so I thought, why not? I’ll just pick them from the bin and not get a bag. Easy!
Well, I get there and they have this BUY 7 for $28! Deal. So I look and because garbage is all up in my face these days I start noticing the tags on everything. One small square on the front of each and a big tag dangling from the back. Recyclable at best, but the goal is to eventually get to a point where I don’t have to recycle much, if at all.
I find what I want and then get to the cash and before I can even blink, she’s got them wrapped in this pink tissue paper and all I could mutter was, “Uh, I have my own bag. I’ll just stick that in my bag.” All the while staring at the pink tissue paper being like “fuck, well she’s going to throw that out if I say I don’t want it and to remove it so I may as well take it home now and deal with it because that is my responsibility.”
And then while this is going through my head and I’m paying, she hands me a receipt. And again, I’m thinking, “fuck, I don’t need that but now I have another thing to throw out.”
This is not an easy change.
Change for anyone is not easy. I realize that this process will take time. I may not be able to be completely zero waste this week, or even this month because of everything that I still own in my house that I am finishing before recycling or throwing out.
You should see my place. I feel like I’m moving. I feel like my son spent 2 minutes being his usual self, except the mess is mine. Downsizing and decluttering or “Early Spring Cleaning,” has been the last three days since I started this blog (two – three days ago?) and so my place is literally all over the place. I am creating an organized mess and slowly parting with things via FreeCycle and people who are in need.
I can’t be too hard on myself. It is only the beginning. But whatever the time it takes, I know I am on my way.