I woke up at 5am this morning. Winter has gotten into my bones a little but I remain mostly positive. Being positive is a practice. Accepting all of your emotions is like daily meditation. It’s like going zero waste. You do it, you falter a little, but you stay gentle to yourself and keep going.
I write this now because the words are at my fingertips. I write this because this journey has indeed changed me. It’s changed how I see the world and how I see myself. Which is the biggest change of all. And while at first it seemed only natural to want to do better for the environment and to pursue this journey because I have a deep rooted care about the planet, the truth is, this blog hasn’t been about that. It has been about personal growth. It has been about discovering who I am and what my values are. It was been about following my heart. It has been about becoming stronger as a person.
But the thing about following your heart is that it can feel lonely. I am one person in a sea of thousands moving the opposite direction. I am that salmon jumping upstream. I am me, not only going against the grain of society with my zero waste choice but also in self-employment and in between doing that every day, I’m also trying to remind myself that for me, this is my normal now. I have to accept that not everyone will or can understand what my version of normal is.
When you’ve made dramatic changes in your life, it changes you first and foremost and then it changes your environment. You attract different people into your life and likely whatever your truest intention may be. So for example, if you head into something with the intention to become famous and liked by all and become some sort of super-hero, then you may find yourself surrounded by people who have shallow values because you’ve placed a value on something that is external.
And when you’ve gone into something with the intention of growing of getting deeper and finding more of your soul, you not only bring that into your life, but you immediately recognize those around you that are unaware. This is not entirely a bad thing because it’s easier to filter the people you want to stay and the people that aren’t best suited for you, but it’s extremely difficult when one of those people is someone close to you whom you’ve know forever and whom you admire and love.
It’s like getting hit in the face with a brick.
You suddenly become aware of how much you’ve changed and how little they have. You become aware of how much you’ve grown, and while they may be growing too, you realize you’re growing more. You realize that what you once saw as a deep connection, may not be able to continue to be. Especially when their entire lifestyle and their entire viewpoint is not open to change or they are not supportive or receptive to your own changes.
Suddenly you’re realizing you’ve grown miles apart and you can’t do anything about it because you’ll never go back to thinking how you once did and you can’t force them to be anyone other than who they are.
There is nothing wrong with either of you. It doesn’t mean either one of you is a bad person. It just means your relationship has served it’s course, it’s flow has subsided and your only options are to stay in the same position with them or to take the leap and fly by yourself.
And if you’re on the journey to self-growth, you’ll fly.
Even though when you’re flying up in the air like a brilliant comet, you look back and see confusion and you feel sadness. Because you aren’t just letting go of someone else, you’re letting go of your old Self. And you have to accept that.
This is the hard part of the journey.
Life isn’t about trying to make other people happy. I mean, of course it is our duty to try not to hurt people but it’s not our duty to fix someone or change their thoughts and it’s not about saving the fallen or even making people more conscious and aware of their true Self. It’s about remaining true to you. It’s about continuing to grow so you can be the best person you can become. To be better than you once were. To discover yourself in the deepest way that you can.
It’s about following your heart so you can be happy and having faith that one day all of the pieces will fall together instead of feeling like they are falling apart.