I woke up at 5am this morning. Winter has gotten into my bones a little but I remain mostly positive. Being positive is a practice. Accepting all of your emotions is like daily meditation. It’s like going zero waste. You do it, you falter a little, but you stay gentle to yourself and keep going.
I write this now because the words are at my fingertips. I write this because this journey has indeed changed me. It’s changed how I see the world and how I see myself. Which is the biggest change of all. And while at first it seemed only natural to want to do better for the environment and to pursue this journey because I have a deep rooted care about the planet, the truth is, this blog hasn’t been about that. It has been about personal growth. It has been about discovering who I am and what my values are. It was been about following my heart. It has been about becoming stronger as a person.
But the thing about following your heart is that it can feel lonely. I am one person in a sea of thousands moving the opposite direction. I am that salmon jumping upstream. I am me, not only going against the grain of society with my zero waste choice but also in self-employment and in between doing that every day, I’m also trying to remind myself that for me, this is my normal now. I have to accept that not everyone will or can understand what my version of normal is.
When you’ve made dramatic changes in your life, it changes you first and foremost and then it changes your environment. You attract different people into your life and likely whatever your truest intention may be. So for example, if you head into something with the intention to become famous and liked by all and become some sort of super-hero, then you may find yourself surrounded by people who have shallow values because you’ve placed a value on something that is external.
And when you’ve gone into something with the intention of growing of getting deeper and finding more of your soul, you not only bring that into your life, but you immediately recognize those around you that are unaware. This is not entirely a bad thing because it’s easier to filter the people you want to stay and the people that aren’t best suited for you, but it’s extremely difficult when one of those people is someone close to you whom you’ve know forever and whom you admire and love.
It’s like getting hit in the face with a brick.
You suddenly become aware of how much you’ve changed and how little they have. You become aware of how much you’ve grown, and while they may be growing too, you realize you’re growing more. You realize that what you once saw as a deep connection, may not be able to continue to be. Especially when their entire lifestyle and their entire viewpoint is not open to change or they are not supportive or receptive to your own changes.
Suddenly you’re realizing you’ve grown miles apart and you can’t do anything about it because you’ll never go back to thinking how you once did and you can’t force them to be anyone other than who they are.
There is nothing wrong with either of you. It doesn’t mean either one of you is a bad person. It just means your relationship has served it’s course, it’s flow has subsided and your only options are to stay in the same position with them or to take the leap and fly by yourself.
And if you’re on the journey to self-growth, you’ll fly.
Even though when you’re flying up in the air like a brilliant comet, you look back and see confusion and you feel sadness. Because you aren’t just letting go of someone else, you’re letting go of your old Self. And you have to accept that.
This is the hard part of the journey.
Life isn’t about trying to make other people happy. I mean, of course it is our duty to try not to hurt people but it’s not our duty to fix someone or change their thoughts and it’s not about saving the fallen or even making people more conscious and aware of their true Self. It’s about remaining true to you. It’s about continuing to grow so you can be the best person you can become. To be better than you once were. To discover yourself in the deepest way that you can.
It’s about following your heart so you can be happy and having faith that one day all of the pieces will fall together instead of feeling like they are falling apart.
– Mai
Zero Waste Ottawa 
Oh my yes.
This is EXACTLY where I am. I have been a minimalist over 30 years, but since I went deeper into to the why I am a minimalist and why I care about reducing my waste, it has changed me in unimaginable ways AND has impacted LONG term friendships. It is not because I am so different. I have been Vegan over 30 years and conscious, but this journey has made me more gentle with myself. As a result, I am unwilling and unable to deal with the brutality, opinions, judgments, etc of friends. I find myself gravitating towards my most gentle friends, which happen not to be the most long term friends. Yes, the path can get lonely, but it is more lonely for me to pretend to be someone else when my spirit is pushing me kicking and screaming, but joyously to another dimension. I do not want to sound antisocial, but I have decluttered my life of most of what I previously thought were valuable friendships. They were valuable, but like the stuff and more stuff I donated, have run their course.
Thank you for this story. Its timing was perfect and comforting.
Thank you for sharing this with me and for taking the time to write. I love knowing that you are remaining true to yourself. It also gives me hope and comfort. Solidarity 🙂
Great post
This is what most people feel who have travelled long-term for the first time, and the reason why so many people who do it feel alienated upon return. And the reason why so many people continue to travel as much as they can. But you are right, this happens with any practice in which you strive for change while the world around doesn’t change.
It is a true test to be accepting of your place and your difference without alienating yourself, because despite all of the changes we are all still human with the same qualities and feelings. Even those who we’ve disconnected, I know at some point if I were to see them again, I would really see them, their essence and their humanness despite our differences. Thank you for sharing with me.
I really appreciate your honesty in this post. I also feel like I’m swimming upstream sometimes. I used to tell people how they should be living their lives, and I realized what a jackass that made me. Now I’m just focusing on aligning my life more closely to my values.
Thanks for sharing.
Hi Audrey,
Thank you for taking the time to read my post. It’s definitely a challenge to bite your tongue but the most important thing is just like you said, focusing on yourself and how and who you want to be. Much love to you on your journey to becoming more you.
This post sort of reminds me of a quote I’ve read. Can’t exactly remember it word-for-word, but it basically says that when you change, you come to a realization that everyone else is living their lives half-asleep. Of course you don’t immediately think this, but when you begin to embody your own change, that’s when it happens. In the process of actually going through the change, I basically had two to three days where I was basically cautious of everyone. I basically saw how badly I was being treated after reading stuff online, and I literally jumped away from every lure they throw at me. I basically thought that I hated them, when essentially, I was so hurt that it’s so easy to do, because it feels good. The trap of the latter, however, is having the urge to tell them to change their attitudes, and victimizing myself; it made it easier for me to make the same mistakes all over again, because I still couldn’t get over the fact that things aren’t going the way I want it to. I should kick my past self for that, because my need for change basically disregards their own views, and I was projecting my own expectations of changing to them (they started hating my autonomous nature by the way, but whatever, not like I care). I’m learning to tone it down now, and my life’s is a little bit more peaceful.
Thank you so much for this post. I feel that I can relate, hence my large response above. Have a good one.
Thank you Miles, for taking the time to write this and share with me and others. I am happy to hear you are feeling more peaceful ❤